Since watching Criminal Minds, obsessively, it has confirmed my theory that most people in this world are bat shit crazy. Not just a little bit eepp, full on sick sons of bitches who should have been swallowed instead of finding their way to the egg. I know I have issues but Jesus Christ I am the most normal person ever compared to these psychos.
As we know life can be tough. From everyday shitty things we really don’t want to do (why do we have to work for a living, it’s just rude), going to the gym (who decided we had to do this everyday) and trying to get through each day without being arrested for physically assaulting someone. We may want to do it, but we don’t as we are good people 👀👀
Most of us are fully aware if something has hurt us in life or we are mad at the world one day, it’s not some innocent persons fault and under no circumstances are we to kidnap said innocent person and make them pay for something they have no clue about.
Read below my top tips to keeping all my huns alive and kicking.
👀 Do not ever smile at a person in the street. I mean ever, as they will become obsessed with you, fall in love with you then brutally murder you when you tell them you aren’t interested as you have no clue who they are. We may like bad boys but not a fucking murderer.
🧐 But also do smile at someone in the street as if you don’t they may think you’re a dick and want you to pay for ignoring them and making them feel small. Again ends in murder.
😬 Under no circumstances should you ever leave your house again. People will kidnap, torture and murder you just because you walked passed them on the day their Nan got murdered by someone that may look a little like you. It’s time for revenge!!
😶 But also, do not stay in your home as someone will find their way in and watch you sleep and just when you think it’s okay it’s just a dream, BAM they will stab you in the eye and shove the contents of their dead nan down your throat.
😱 If someone looks like they need help getting into their van, avoid them at all costs. They may look fragile and almost dead but they will turn on you quicker than you can say I love Derek Morgan. Inject you with drugs, take you to their cabin in the words, cut off your eye lids and feed them to you.
🤮 Under no circumstances are you to go on a date with someone. If you’re single it’s tough we are now single for life. They will shoot you at the end of said date and leave you to die on your own front steps. Get a cat.
🤬 But also date as you may need someone to protect you or come and save you when a man tries to kidnap you and make you his bride as his wife left him because he was bat shit fucking crazy.
The moral of the story is, stay safe out there in these streets and if someone seems too good to be true, he’s probably a murderer with three bodies in his boot and a woman hanging in his dungeon. RUN bitch RUN!!!
Comments